grrrrr!

was getting ready for dinner at someone's home
my grandmother's cousin
much older couple

needed to look dignified
well dressed
groomed

tried on my nice black pants
too tight

why does getting married make you gain weight
he says i look beautiful
can't see a difference

i feel a difference
i see a difference

sad
angry
depressed
fat fat fat
i hate it
don't look at my chubbies
don't touch my chubbies

i want to hide
from the world
how did this happen?
i know
i ate too much
i moved too little

came to a new city
no job
freezing damn cold and snowy all the time
-30
-40
"oh it's so warm it's 0 degrees!" (all celsius)

people out in shorts at 0
me - at home trying to stay warm

now i just feel horrible
and ugly