grrrrr!

was getting ready for dinner at someone's home
my grandmother's cousin
much older couple

needed to look dignified
well dressed
groomed

tried on my nice black pants
too tight

why does getting married make you gain weight
he says i look beautiful
can't see a difference

i feel a difference
i see a difference

sad
angry
depressed
fat fat fat
i hate it
don't look at my chubbies
don't touch my chubbies

i want to hide
from the world
how did this happen?
i know
i ate too much
i moved too little

came to a new city
no job
freezing damn cold and snowy all the time
-30
-40
"oh it's so warm it's 0 degrees!" (all celsius)

people out in shorts at 0
me - at home trying to stay warm

now i just feel horrible
and ugly

a thousand words

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

thanks heidikins for the idea!

skull'n'bones

being a stepmom to an 8 and 11 year old is new to me
one thing that has surprised me is how fast their feet grow!

having never really frequented the lower end shoe stores
(i'm very much a snob with my shoes!)
i decided i needed to look for the girls

came out with something for me instead
skull'n'bones
'cause every girl needs to feel tough
while looking cute

i love love love them
i want these next
at that price, why not?
it's double the price here in canada, but that's still nothing!
expendable footwear for spring and summer

i almost lost them
while in the store i left them with my husband
went looking for shoes for the kids
came back both husband and shoes - gone
he was wandering
some lady took my shoes
last pair of size 8
the customer service lady told her i wanted them
tried to explain
the lady was angry
she wanted them
i couldn't blame her
finally she relented

i am happy

running in circles

it's been too long
i feel unsettled
disconnected from myself
it's been so busy, the last three weeks
no time to think
spring break
guests sleeping over every weekend
the kids here almost every day

i loved it when it was happening
felt grateful to have friends around
snuggled and cuddled with the girls

but now i need a break
i want to paint
read
blog
relax
breathe

time alone
i never needed it when i was younger
now i crave it

a vacation at home
that's what i want